


As We Move On

by Baroness_Blixen



Category: Frasier (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3448601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baroness_Blixen/pseuds/Baroness_Blixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heavy AU for "SB, SB." When Daphne chooses Donny, Niles has to face life without the woman he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. World Spins Madly On

**Author's Note:**

> Bringing this over from ff.net. Comments and criticism are very welcome :)

Day one after the world has ended. Niles Crane's world, anyway. He sits up in his bed with the blinds still shut. He doesn't want to see the sun. He doesn't want to see anything, or anyone. Except for her. It's always been her and from now on, he remembers bitterly, it's never going to be her again. Niles gets up and his legs hurt. The pain has taken over his whole body. Has taken him hostage. He doesn't mind. He knows the pain will end eventually; isn't that what he tells his patients? That as we move on wounds heal, but you have to let yourself work through it? Right now, he can't imagine it. He can't even hear his own words. Any words. There's nothing left within him. Only dark emptiness.

He won't say her name again. Won't even think it. It's only _she_ from now on, no more Daphne. His mind outsmarts him. Her name hurts him like a stab wound. Like a bullet through his stomach. Pain doesn't live in the heart, it sits in the stomach. He thinks he remembers the pain. It's similar to when he lost his mother. Profound loss. But she's not dead. Daphne – again, again, his mind laughs at him – is not dead. Right now, he thinks as he checks the time, she is on her honeymoon. Somewhere out there she is happy without him; loved by someone who is not him. Here, in his darkness, it is only Niles. His demise. His loss. Only his. Always only his, because he's been a coward for too long. And when finally... when she finally found out, it was too late.

Niles tears open the blinds. He will go to work and try to forget. _Her_.

Day Two After. This time Niles doesn't get up. The blinds are closed. His eyes are open... he thinks. Niles doesn't want to go on. Not like this, not at all. Last night, he is sure, he dreamed of _her_. And him. Donny. The name tastes like poison. If it were, he thinks, he'd die. Right here, right now. But he doesn't. The pain doesn't kill him. As much as it hurts thinking about them, he doesn't die. He thinks of her, because he can't help it. The world goes on, he realizes sadly. Niles closes his eyes and doesn't fall asleep. The darkness, however, swallows him. It feels nice. It feels nicer than anything else.

Niles doesn't get up this day. He stays in bed and doesn't tell anyone. A little bit he hopes it rains wherever they are. He prays that it does.

On day three Frasier comes over. He lets himself in and it's him who opens the blinds. 'This has got to stop, Niles. Get up.' He doesn't. He feels weak. These are typical signs of depression, he tells Frasier mentally in what sounds like his own voice. In the end, he doesn't say anything out loud. Frasier is angry, or he is worried. Maybe he is both. He never understood his feelings for D- for her. Always called them stupid, lust, a crush, something that would pass. If it's going to go away, why hasn't it already after seven years? It's been seven years, Niles realizes. Seven. Some marriages don't even last that long. For a moment he wonders if this is all worth it, if he has a right to feel like this. Anger seeps up, challenges his apathy. Then he thinks of her smile and suddenly he hears the words she said, feels the kiss she gave him. 'I do love you, but...'. With him, it seems, there is always a 'but'. You're married, but your wife is a freak who doesn't love you. You're a great psychiatrist, but your brother is famous. Niles feels it deep within him. This is his depression. No but. He is in love with a beautiful woman... but she is married to someone else. Pain wins over anger, again, and anguish is all he feels when Frasier gently reminds him he needs to eat something. 'Maybe,' Niles finds the courage to say, 'maybe I do, but...' and that's all he manages.

The next days are the same. They pass by and Niles loses count. His father comes over and doesn't know how to deal with him. Niles watches Frasier with a handful of mail in his hand that he seems to be hiding from him; probably his divorce papers. He doesn't care. He overhears them talking about Mel and something within him shifts. Does he miss Mel? He wonders. He could have made a life with her. Unlike Daphne (that painful, horrid name, he thinks closing his eyes and waiting for the pain to pass), Niles chose to leave Mel. He told her. Well, he told her he couldn't be with her. 'Why?' she asked. 'I'm in love with another woman', he didn't answer. 'It's too soon. I'm not the spontaneous man who married you. I can't be him.' She didn't understand. She slapped him and he felt no pain. Nothing she did had an impact on him. When she left, he didn't feel it. Even now, he doesn't conceive her absence, or does he? Niles wonders. One more day, he tells himself.

One more day before he starts going on with his life.

Three days later Niles finally gets up and his legs almost feel too weak. Frasier comes to pick him up. His smile is too nice for the way Niles has been acting. He wants to scream at him to tell him to snap out of it again, but he doesn't. He drives them over to his own apartment and as soon as Niles steps into the familiar apartment where he's spent so many moments with _her_ , he feels the pressure of it all. It tries to trip him, but Frasier and Martin are by his side.

"She called." Martin tells him. Niles sits down on the couch. He remembers her being here. With him, without him. This is her home, or has been for so long.

"How-how is she?" His voice hasn't been in use for a few days and it feels thick, it feels hoarse. It simply hurts.

"Fine... she asked... she wanted to know if she still has a job."

"What did you tell her?" Niles wants to know. He doesn't want to know – but he needs to.

"I told her – it's up to you."

"Me." Niles clarifies and Martin nods. He knows his father loves Daphne almost as if she were his daughter. Inside of him there is only pain; like cancer it spreads through him slowly and deadly. This is her home, it flashes brightly before his eyes. None of this is her fault. Seven years he's been pining and seven years he'd been too scared to do anything, to tell her. To stop her from leaving like she has.

"If she wants to. I won't... I won't stand in the way."

"Are you sure, Niles?" The support from his family lifts him up. Never has he felt such solidarity. They love him. Tears spring to his eyes when he grasps the whole momentousness of the situation.

"I'm sure. It may take a while, but if she thinks she can come back... then I want her to."

Both Martin and Frasier hug him. It's the first day of Niles' Crane new life. The world, he knows, will forever spin on. Senselessly, and he might never feel carefree again. They might never laugh together again. He hasn't just lost a chance with Daphne, he has lost a friend. Maybe even his best friend.

As the world moves on, so will they.

In a couple of days, he will see her again. She will wear another man's ring and his name. The pain nudges him as if to remind him to break down right here, right now. He doesn't. He swallows it as best as he can.

"I'm proud of you, son." Martin tells him quietly.

"Sherry, Niles?" Frasier asks and there is the smallest of smiles on his lips. Things change, but then again they don't. Niles finds it within himself to return the smile, as amiss as it feels.

"Certainly, Frasier."


	2. Without A Band-Aid

Daphne returns on a rainy day. He can't blame her for that, because they live in Seattle and they're used to rain. Part of him blames her anyway. Frasier calls him to tell him the news and it goes without saying that he won't come over right away. He tries to tell every cell in his body that he doesn't even want to see her (they scream back that he does).

"How does she look?" Niles asks Frasier. For a moment his brother is quiet, obviously debating with himself what to answer. To Niles this can only mean one thing: she looks stunning. His mind starts wandering and the images it imagines are heartbreakingly colorful. He sees her smile almost blindingly bright and definitely shinier than her engagement ring. Correction, her wedding ring. Niles hasn't seen it yet. He doesn't know what her wedding band looks like. His mental image collapses. He sighs.

"Well, good I'd say. Looks pretty good." Niles realizes Daphne is in the room. All of a sudden, his heartbeat accelerates. Despite the distance, she is too close to him. Too close and too far at the same time. The same pain, the pain he's been battling ever since she chose Donny over him, returns violently. There is no band-aid for a broken heart after all.

"Thank you, Frasier. Tell her," I love her. I need her. I can't live without her. I _need_ her. "Tell her I said hi?" His voice breaks at the end and it takes every last bit of strength left in his body to not break down. He is supposed to heal and get over it. Get over Daphne and the fact that she's happily married to another man (the happy part hurts more than the married part, because he's been married too. Not happily.)

"Will do."

When Niles hangs up he takes a deep, deep breath. The pain pokes him endlessly. He does not cry, though. He does not break down. He tries out a smile aimed at no one (he is all alone, alone) and it works. He feels better. Or something akin to feeling better. This might work. In the far-away future.

They meet two weeks later. Again, it is raining. Niles is so nervous he cannot control his umbrella once he stands in front of Frasier's apartment. Daphne opens the door (it's no longer her job, he thinks with a bitter taste in his mouth. But it's never really been her job). He doesn't see her at first, because the umbrella is in his way. He feels her, though. He knows it's her before he sees her. She takes the umbrella from his hands and then they're face to face. Niles has imagined this moment several times. Each time it went differently. None compare to what he is feeling now. Their eyes lock. It's so quiet that he can hear stray raindrops fall from the umbrella to the floor. If he counts them, he can count how long they can stand this silent staring game. He doesn't count them. He looks at her and hopes for a miracle.

"It's good to see you, Dr. Crane." She breaks first. In a twisted way, it gives Niles gratification. In an even more twisted way, it hurts like a gunshot. In his ears and in his guts. He tries out the smile he's been practicing. For the first time he doesn't see himself deliver it so all he can do is hope. Daphne's lips turn upwards in a very small, yet sweet smile. From the outside, Niles figures, no one would guess their history together. They look like polite strangers from the outside. On the inside, their history is slowly burning him.

"Congratulations. I think – I haven't told you yet."

"Thank you."  
Very polite (and awkward). Niles takes off his coat while Daphne takes care of the dripping umbrella. Somehow, the pieces still fit together. This is no different than it has ever been. Before. Except that Daphne knows about his feelings. And she's confessed her own to him. 'I do love you, but...' but she chose Donny. They don't make small-talk and it is still awkward. They have never been awkward before. Before they had been friends. Niles sits down on the couch.

"Where are Frasier and my father?" Niles asks. It's as if this is her home now; her house and he is merely an unwanted intruder. And it shouldn't be like this. They're his family first and foremost. He hates himself for thinking these thoughts.

"I wish I knew! I came here for your father's therapy."

"Ah." The sound escapes Niles involuntarily. She apparently feels the need to justify her being here in front of him. She no longer lives here. For a moment Niles wonders what Frasier has done with her room. If he has already changed everything within it. He really shouldn't care (but he does and he wonders if she does, too).

"Dr. Crane, I-" Niles turns to her and she stops. Just stops. He knows what she wants to say, what she wants him to know and understand. He doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear her say she's sorry for not loving him enough, for choosing another man. She is no longer Daphne Moon, the woman he so desperately fell in love with. She is Daphne Douglas now, an acquaintance and maybe eventually a friend again. The silence stretches on uncomfortably until finally the door opens and both Frasier and Martin storm in. From their faces Niles can see they hurried up here as if they knew he would be here. Martin hugs him quickly and it still feels weird. Daphne looks at them and hugs her middle. There's something in her eyes Niles wants to decipher. He can't, because Frasier entangles him in some sort of conversation that could be a riddle, or a problem (or simply a distraction). Just like that, Niles and Daphne drift apart in the room like they already have in their lives.

One month. He holds on for one month (and six days). Niles has seen Daphne a couple of times. He has counted them (12 times). He has even seen Donny, who treats him like he always has (4 times). Niles thinks he is going forward, but when Roz asks him one day at Nervosa if he wants to go on a date with a friend of hers, he chokes.

"What? I thought you wanted to get over Daphne. And Mel, I guess." Roz is right, but Niles is not ready. His dreams are still about Daphne and all the times he could have told her and didn't. Sometimes, in his darkest nightmares, all he hears is Donny laughing at him. He wakes up sweating and with a pounding heart. He is not ready.

"You really should try it. If you don't, you'll never get over her."

Niles walks home from Nervosa. He doesn't remember where he's parked his car. He collects his mail and one letter in particular gets his attention. It's an invitation for a psychiatrist's convention in Philadelphia. This is the opportunity; his get-away Roz has been hinting it. It's not a woman; he cannot date anyone else just yet (or ever). All he needs to do is get away.

"How long is that convention?" Frasier asks him much later; only two more days before Niles will board his plane to Philadelphia. He happily sips his coffee and hides a smile behind the cup. He hasn't felt this calm in a while. He doesn't think about Daphne, but about Philadelphia. He is going to visit Liberty Bell and not think about her or his life here in Seattle. Because he wants to leave it all behind.

"Two days." Niles answers vaguely. Frasier cannot know about his plans yet. They might not work out and then...

"So you'll be back – when? On Wednesday?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?"

"Because you're way too chipper! You're like the suicide patient right before he decides to jump out the window – oh my god, please tell me that is not what you're planning. I'll come with you." Frasier exclaims.

"No, you won't. I'm not – not at all suicidal. I do have a plan, though."

"Tell me."

"I don't want to."

"But I want you to. I won't let you go if you don't tell me."

"You're not the boss of me, Frasier."

"I could tell dad!"

"Fine," Niles gives in. Maybe Frasier will understand. Even if he doesn't, it won't change a thing. This makes him happy – finally, again – and his brother will understand. He has to.

"I'm not coming back." Frasier just stares at him. His face is blank. But Niles is more worried about his lack of retort. Niles doesn't continue yet. He lifts his coffee cup and drinks, waits.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just that. When I prepared myself for the convention, I spoke to an old friend of mine who told me he was looking for a new partner in his practice. He asked me if I knew of anyone. It took me a while to realize that this person was me." (he realized it right away, but Frasier doesn't need to know everything)

"Have you told Dad? Daphne? What about me?"

"This is not about you, or dad. This is about me. I need to do this."

"I could fire Daphne." Niles is surprised how offended he is by that thought and how quickly Frasier offers it.

"I'm sorry, it's just – I don't want you to leave, Niles." Niles has never seen Frasier so sad before. At least he doesn't remember. They have grown closer together than they ever have been, he realizes. Niles is overwhelmed with love for his brother. But this love isn't enough; the love for his family is not enough to compensate the pain. Maybe the distance, the change of scenery will bring the remedy. He could come back – he can always come back home.

"You did the same when you left Boston." Niles reminds him and Frasier finds it within himself to smile lightly. A dark shadow appears on his face, though, after a moment.  
"But I came here; to be with you and dad. To be with my family. You're fleeing your family and I don't know if-" Niles doesn't let Frasier finish. Any doubts his brother might have don't count. They're not Niles' doubts and fears anymore.

"It's the only way, Frasier. I don't want to go on hurting her. Or me. Maybe I deserve a shot at happiness as well." Niles tells him. Frasier is quiet (much too quiet). He knows his brother will let him go. Has to let him leave. He will explain it to their father as well, he knows. He will visit. Daphne. Someone will tell her, too. She will find out. Niles won't be the one to tell her and he knows it's cowardly. She doesn't need him, though. She has Donny. Niles still remembers the day when he did look at her wedding band. He felt as if there had been a ring around him, too, around his throat. Choking him with a shiny diamond. A sparkling stone that supposedly proved someone else's love for her. The ring, he decided, was too flashy. It wasn't her. It was not the ring he would have given her. In the end, it doesn't matter. Someone will tell her. He won't see her reaction and he knows it's better that way. Less ambiguous.

"You do deserve happiness, Niles. You do."

They finish their last coffee together almost in complete silence. Things always find a way, without fail, to change. In the end.


	3. The Change You Won't See In Me

Philadelphia is different. In many ways it's the change Niles needed. In others it's just plain boring. And oh so lonely. Whenever Frasier calls him (and he calls him a lot. A lot) he pretends to be his happiest self. Sometimes he thinks he should have become an actor instead; he is just that good. Frasier seems saddened by Niles' apparent happiness and just sometimes he almost cracks. He makes Frasier tell him; tell him everything. From their father, to Eddie to – Daphne and Donny. There's no more Daphne in Frasier's talks, there is only 'Daphne and Donny' as if they were suddenly joined by the hip (joined by heart, Niles thinks bitterly). He assures his brother he doesn't mind. He is glad Daphne is fine. That her marriage is working out. She deserves to be happy. The more often he tells Frasier, the less his own words mean anything. They're empty words. Then again most things about his new life are empty. He has a small apartment, incomparable to the Montana. He doesn't have any friends here (he tells Frasier differently). He drinks his coffee on his own, in a café that is not at all like Nervosa. But he knows he is a creature of habit. All he has to do is get used to all of this. There's still time; he's got an eternity of loneliness ahead of him.

Seattle is no different. Except Daphne would say something else. Ever since Dr. Crane – Niles – has left them (has left her), things don't seem the same. Often when there's a knock at her door (Donny's door), her heart leaps because she thinks it might be him. Of course it never is. So far neither the other Dr. Crane nor Mr. Crane have mentioned when Niles will come and visit. Maybe they won't tell her so she won't be there. She's spending less and less time at the Cranes. She misses them. She misses all of it. Donny can't make up for it. He tries. He tries to make her happy; Daphne is no actress. He knows she is not happy and he tries so hard it pains her even more. After all it's not his fault she fell in love with another man. She hasn't told him. She knows the Cranes know, but they have an unspoken agreement never to talk about it when they see each other. Roz asks her on one occasion if she misses Niles; then guiltily, hastily changes the subject as if nothing happened. Daphne spends a whole week just thinking about him (and how much she misses him). Now Niles is like a migraine. His memory creeps up on her, sometimes softly lurking then other times it jumps at her, wipes her off her feet. When she tells Donny she has a migraine, she does not lie. She doesn't think of it as a lie. Daphne hopes somewhere across the continent, Niles is able to move on (without her).

Somewhere in a bar Niles meets a woman. It's dark and he is tired and he is lonely. Her kiss tastes like cheap chocolate. A taste he doesn't care for. Her hair doesn't smell like Daphne's. She is the right woman to forget her. In a dark bar, he tells the strange woman "no, thank you". He goes home alone as he always does. His heart is reluctant to move on; it's still firmly rooted in Seattle. Niles is just as reluctant to give up. Philadelphia is nice enough. It doesn't rain as much. That has to count for something (it really doesn't). At his house (not his home, not yet), Niles sits down in the quietness. No sounds are to be heard. There are no neighbors. No friends. Or a lover. He switches on his desk lamp and he hears it buzzing silently, but reassuringly. Without thinking, he takes out stationery and starts to write. 'Dear Daphne', is all he jots down. His mind is just as empty. They are no longer friends and even if they were... what could he tell her about this, about his life? It isn't working. Him being here in Philadelphia, it doesn't help matters. He is still in love, he is still heartbroken. He tears the unfinished letter into tiny shreds. It may as well be his life.

The rain in Seattle dampens everyone's mood. Daphne is constantly tired. Donny tells her to work less. Less? She thinks. She hardly works at all! They have a maid and being with Mr. Crane is so awkward, they only meet three times a week by now and only for an hour or two. His limp, he says, is getting better. Daphne watches him and he is right. She feels hurt and redundant. They don't talk about it, but she is certain he has a new physical therapist. They only invite her over out of pity. Eventually Daphne calls Mr. Crane and tells him she has a new client who needs her more often. So in the end, she only comes to the Elliot Bay Towers once a week on Wednesday. She dreads these days (and needs them like air).

"Daphne, darling, are you sick?" Donny asks one night when he comes home early. She does feel terribly. But she can't tell him she misses Dr. Crane and Mr. Crane and Eddie (most of all she misses Niles). So she smiles and wonders; is this what a marriage is supposed to be like? This feeling of dread and depression? This lie it's built on.

"I'm fine." The greatest lie ever told, she thinks. Donny, being how he is, believes her. He never had any reason not to (that he knows of).

"I wouldn't want you to be sick, baby, with the gala coming up soon." She has forgotten about the gala and it will slip her mind again, because 'baby'. Suddenly all of it adds up, she thinks. Her tiredness. The dizziness she feels from time to time. And the queasiness. She is pregnant. It's so blindingly clear that she has to sit down again. Donny, engrossed in his paper, doesn't notice (when has he stopped noticing her?). Daphne realizes she doesn't want a baby – with Donny, or at all? – but even worse she feels a sense of mourning; all the time she has blamed her condition on missing Niles. It's not because of him after all. The thought leaves her empty.

As it turns out, in a sunny Philadelphia, Niles does think about Daphne (constantly). During sessions with his patients, he thinks only of her. He knows it's wrong and he knows it's bound to give him a bad reputation soon enough. He also knows he should see a therapist himself. He hasn't been eating right and his clothes look weird on him. A few days ago when he looked into the mirror, he was shocked by his own face. He looks old, he knows. The heartbreak, it might be written on his forehead. There's no one here to tell him, or make him snap out of it. Niles goes home just on time. The first thing he does is cross off another day on his calendar. He doesn't know why he's doing it; to count the days he's endured this, or to see when it's safe to return home for a visit. He's been in Philadelphia four months and 14 days. He still doesn't think of the place as home. It's a house and it's work. He just functions like a perfect little robot whose heart has not been switched off. He pours himself a sherry and it tastes shallow. It always makes him miss Frasier. Ten years ago he was living without his brother as well. What has changed? He wonders, taking yet another sip. There's no taste (there's no life here). Niles longingly stares at the calendar. Another month, he tells himself. Then he can think of visiting them. Home. The word tastes better than anything else could. He doesn't finish his sherry and loses himself in a strange whirlwind of nostalgia.

Ironically, Daphne receives the news on a Wednesday. She is on her way to see Mr. Crane, her heart already leaping in joy when the phone rings. For a moment she considers not picking it up in case it's Donny; he's been calling her way too often lately. She's waiting for her results, though, so she picks it up anyway. There's some polite banter, but Daphne starts crying as soon as the truth is revealed,

"...not pregnant..." The words like a happy tune in her head. She wants to say 'thank you', wants to hug the faceless stranger on the other end of the line. She hangs up and touches her flat stomach, knowing it'll stay like that. She is glad she hasn't told anyone about her pregnancy scare. Now she feels like announcing her condition to the world. On her way to the Elliot Bay Towers, she sings loudly in her car. There's not one bad thought in her mind. Not until she uses her key (they still trust her) and steps into the apartment she used to live in.

"All right, Niles," Mr. Crane is nervously clutching the phone. She herself is standing in the door, seemingly unable to move. Her good mood is no longer with her; it has stepped away silently, yet suddenly. Her heart cries out for him. Every fiber inside of her reaches out to grab the phone, tell Niles she is not pregnant. He wouldn't understand, because he doesn't even know. He doesn't know what she's feeling. How she's trying to live with the mistakes she's made. She doesn't move and the pain washes over her.

"Yeah, yeah will do. Bye, Niles. Hey Daphne!" Mr. Crane's voice is artificially cheery and his smile too sweet. Daphne knows he only means well. She finds it within herself to close the door. Tears dwell up inside of her; happiness and sadness, they mingle and fight. They fight over the tears, fight over Daphne it seems. Her throat closes up and then the tears fall. Mr. Crane is by her side in an instant. His hug feels warm and welcome, she's missed him. He smells just like he should, like home, and sadness gains the upper hand.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Crane."

"It's all right, uhm, but why don't we sit you down? Talk?" His voice is uncertain; this is not his turf. He is not the talker in this family. Daphne isn't either, she thinks (but this is not her family anyway).

"I-I have some news," the words tumble out. She laughs through her tears and she sees out of the corner of her eyes that Mr. Crane is confused (so is she).

"I'm not pregnant!"

"Did you just say you're not pregnant?"

"Oh, Mr. Crane, I think I made such a big mistake!" She almost throws herself at him and he can't do anything but hold her, assure her that things will turn out just fine. In time. She wants to believe him (so badly).

Niles finishes a doodle in his practice in Philadelphia. He thinks he has gotten pretty good. It makes him smile (and not many things do). His secretary, Trisha, walks in. She is a beautiful, young woman. He wonders if she has a date tonight; it's Friday. He hopes she does, because she is too kind to be alone on Fridays. Or any day of the week. He smiles at her, caught up in his daydream that someone else might be happy in this city he cannot call his home. Only yesterday did he call his father. He even let him talk about sports Niles couldn't have cared less about. He closed his eyes, imagined he was there in Frasier's living room. Then, suddenly, his father was in a hurry to end the conversation. Niles didn't want to think about why (he thought because of Daphne, because he always does).

"Dr. Crane, there's a woman here who has no appointment but she says it's important." Niles looks at his watch; it's almost time to go back to his house. He doesn't care. If he can help someone, then he will.

"Send her in. You can go on home, Trisha. Have a nice weekend. I'll finish up the rest." The bright smile the young woman gives him is beautiful. She mouths a 'thanks' to him before she makes room for Niles' new patient. He gets up from his heavy desk chair to greet her, but his legs give in when he sees her face. A face he hasn't seen in over four months. The days elude him, because she is here. The days no longer matter.

"Daphne." He whispers as if her name is the first word he has ever uttered.

On a Friday afternoon, Seattle and Philadelphia collide. Daphne has never been there, Niles doesn't like being here. Now they stand in front of each other; two people, who don't belong in this city. Who are not even sure if they belong together, or to other people.

"What-what-what...?" Niles' breathing comes out ragged. There's no coherence in his speak, or his mind.

"What am I doing here?" Daphne is much calmer on the outside. Inside she is scared; scared he is going to send her away. He has every right to do so. She's hurt him so terribly when she chose Donny that night. True, she'd been promised to Donny, but love... she should have listened to love. Like she did yesterday. She doesn't know where to start.

"Did you – you didn't run away, did you?" Indiscernibly hope in his voice. He gets up, but doesn't move towards her.

"I got news yesterday," She's pregnant. She's going to have Donny's baby. Why did she choose to tell him like this? Tell him at all?, "And the only person I really wanted to share it with, well lives here."

"You're not dying, are you?" Daphne chuckles. Leave it to him to make her feel better even in a situation like this. She is overcome with love for this man; love she so desperately tried to deny. In the course she hurt them both so profoundly. She fears she might have destroyed the great trust they used to share. Maybe some of his love. Maybe he doesn't feel the same anymore. There is a chance she is too late this time.

"No, I'm not," She could tell him she felt like dying, without him in Seattle. Without him in her life. He looks sick, she realizes now as she looks at him. Involuntarily, she takes a step forward hoping she is wrong (she isn't).

"I kind of ran away, I guess."

"But Daphne, why?" The question has a deeper meaning; she can hear it in his voice, she can see it in his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. She cannot lose herself in them just yet.

"I thought – I thought I was pregnant," His eyes are like glass, shattering in front of her, "I'm not. When I found out that I wasn't, I was so relieved. I realized I didn't want a child with Donny. I don't even want a life with him. So really I should have run away much earlier. I thought – I thought I could make it work. We've never been on a date. I thought what I felt for you was some kind of misled crush. I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong! I tried to make it work with Donny. No one can blame me for not trying." Daphne tries not to cry, but she fails. She feels naked in front of him, at least emotionally.

Niles watches her. It's as if he's watching a movie; he is not sure if he is truly in it, or just a bystander. Just an observer who needs to judge. Her words reach him and they mean so much. He wants to just take her into his arms, accept the time they've been apart, accept the fact that she chose Donny that night. He is not that proud a man that he cannot forgive her (he already has). But he is scared, has always been scared. If he lets her in now, will she mend his heart or will she completely break and burn it? 'I do love you, but...', the words she said that night still sting. Her eyes, her beautiful eyes however, they tell him this time he is safe. Daphne sees the struggle in his eyes. She remembers the words Martin (yes, Martin. Not Mr. Crane) told her last night: "No one chooses who they fall in love with. I never thought I'd fall for a woman like Hester, but she was the love of my life. You don't choose, Daphne. Niles didn't choose to fall in love with you and neither did you. It happened. If you love him, tell him. Bring him back home." Looking at him now, she isn't sure. He looks broken (she did this). Maybe he doesn't want to be fixed (by her).

"I was wondering," she has to choose her words carefully, her actions. Too much has happened between them to just jump right to a happy ending "if you might be free for a date."

Niles looks at her. Words she might have said in another lifetime, but he hears them now; loud and clear (finally).

"Nothing would make me happier." He answers after a moment and takes her hand. He hasn't even noticed their close proximity until now. It feels right, finally right.

"I love you, Niles."

"I love you, too, Daphne."

This time there's no but.


End file.
